#i’m losing my mind i need him so bad
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
ARE YOU SEEING THIS??? I NEED MORE OF THIS SHIT IN MY LIFE.
#PLEASEEEE#ITS ALL I NEED#nick if u see this i swear im the love of ur life just give me a chance#nick ruffilo#nicholas ruffilo#i’m losing my mind i need him so bad#bad omens#badomenscult#noah sebastian#bad omens cult#clawing my body apart#nick folio#jolly karlsson#joakim karlsson#matt dierkes
538 notes
·
View notes
Note
tell me more about the sweet things Frank does pleeaassseee
ugh he’s suuuuch a sweetheart for someone who has every right to be a complete asshole to everyone <///3
Notes; hi guys I have so much other shit to write it’s actually laughable but this is what ur getting for now mostly because im unable to think about anyone else atm #sorry, enjoy!
he’s pretty old fashioned when it comes to most things; leaning his head back to look at you like you’re insane if you try to pay for anything, long legs striding right past you to open doors, a guiding hand on your waist when you’re walking together so you can keep up with him, etc. he’ll be damned if you ever do anything you don’t have to, always insistent on lending a large helping hand whenever you need one.
“Why don’t you just let me help you, huh? Always gotta have an attitude about it.” he made it sound so simple, like the act of him helping you clasp your necklace shouldn’t have you swooning like this, reeling in the rough callouses of his fingers against the back of your neck. of course he wasn’t really upset, shaking his head at your insistent remarks about being able to do it yourself. you could always tell when he was pushing you to accept the love he so thoughtfully handed to you, understanding when you needed a harsher tone or a soothing hand.
that’s just who he is; priding himself in keeping you safe and in the meantime securing every understanding he had of you in his mind, every fear, every goal, the things you’d dream about often enough to bring it up the next morning, he knew you and he knew what you needed, half the time before you knew it yourself. because that’s just who he is. that’s his job — at least that’s what he keeps telling you.
“I don’t have an attitude, but you don’t have to take care of me all the time, Frank. I can-“
“You can take care of yourself. Yeah yeah I know sweetheart, you’re real tough. I know it.” it was hard to look it right now, letting his arms squeeze around you, standing firm in your words as you melted into the strong shape of him behind you.
there were a million examples, and no matter how hard you tried to convince him, he’d do it again and again. coming back home after a rough day and cleaning himself up before picking you up from where you’d fallen asleep on the couch to take you to bed. ignoring the ache in his bones, hushing you with a kiss on your crown, and tucking you under the soft blankets ‘right where you belong’ because that’s just who Frank Castle is.
#I need him so bad#Jesus Christ#pls send me ur frank thoughts if u have any I’m losing my mind#his voice is driving me crazy genuinely#frank thoughts save me from Election Day#please#I hope all of u voted#CORRECTLY#anyways#frank castle pspsps#frank castle#frank castle x reader#frank castle fluff#frank castle thoughts#frank castle imagine#🌑 blurbs#🌑 reqs
522 notes
·
View notes
Text
i imagine iwaizumi is the kind of guy that pays for your nails and never lets your hands leave his lips on the drive home from the salon.
i also like to think if you ask him to help put a necklace on or zip up your dress/tie your top he always leaves a kiss on the back of your shoulder after.
or when you’re on dish duty he’ll collect the dinner plates and stack them for you and dries them off after you’ve washed them.
#꩜rambles#i need him so bad#i’m losing my mind i think#can you tell i crave the domestics#iwaizumi hajime#iwaizumi
115 notes
·
View notes
Text
Was soooooo happy with this phase 1 which is what made it so much funnier that I was immediately clapped by his phase 2 😂
#romina is still my fave boss but messmer is a solid second#almost every other boss I would describe as “would’ve been good if their damage wasn’t so overtuned”#my stance if that if I’m consistently losing to a boss with 10/14 flasks left the damage is overtuned#vs me losing to sword saint isshin with no gourds or pellets left bc he was tough enough to whittle me down#fromsoft bros will say get good but think high numbers is big difficulty#an actually difficult boss doesn’t need big damage output if the mechanics are the challenge#I don’t actually mind how relentless the bosses are in ER but I mind how HARD they hit on top of that#dodging a 12 hit uninterruptible combo where each move does like 1/10th of your health? that’s fine.#if I properly time 3 of those dodges I can still make it and it’s honestly my bad if I’m getting killed by that#dodging a 12 hit uninterruptible combo where each hit takes out 1/2 of ur health bar & has a 50% chance for an additional retaliation combo?#I *can* do it but Jesus Christ what a waste of my time lmao#how am I supposed to learn a boss when I can’t get into a flow state bc a single mistake can end a run smh#I just beat gaius and I didn’t even feel accomplished I was just like ugh finally#I feel like 95% of his moves are fine once you work out the delays and positioning#but I kept getting clipped by his charge attack like I would dodge out of the way but once the i frames were finished I’d still get hit#bc I guess I wasn’t dodging a perfect 90 degrees to him and the hitbox for that attack is long as hell#which would be whatever if that move didn’t take out like 2/3 of my health and come out nigh instantly#I don’t even really know the tell for the move bc I beat him before I learned it bc I lucked out on a run where he didn’t charge me a lot#luckily the game is absolute DELIGHT to look at and explore that I can forgive the absolute bullshittery of the bosses#like I just got to the summit of dragon peak and I’m blown away by the design of that mountain#if we’re talking verisimilitude in games how about that whole shebang#no obvious well worn path up to the top of the mountain bc it’s just for dragons who’s gonna be walking up there?#having the player follow a trail of increasingly dense dragon corpses is SUCH a great tone setter#which means I’m probably going to hate bayle but whatever I’m already invested let’s gooooo#tsuchi plays games
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
LET. ME. OUT. I NEED DICK.
#meerkatz 🪷#matt sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo smut#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#i need him in a way that is concerning to feminism#i need him in my bed#i need him so fucking bad#i need him inside me#i’m losing my mind#chris sturniolo smut#sturniolo smut
50 notes
·
View notes
Text
#i’m losing my fucking mind#is he crazy#bc now i’m going crazy for sure#i need to suck him off so bad#haechan#nct dream
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
my fucking god
#will poulter#my bf (real)#i would treat him right#hes so hot#he needs me so bad#i’m about to lose my mind
54 notes
·
View notes
Text
sometimes it’s late at night and you’re cleaning your room and you come across a few old black and white photos of a young girl and you stare at them for a long minute wondering how on earth they got lost in an old Kroger shopping bag with an unopened pack of cigarettes and a receipt dated 2017.
and you look at the girl in the pictures sat on the floor of someone’s home you don’t recognize, smiling and playing with a set of keys and a tiny part of you feels like it recognizes her but you aren’t sure.
and you flip the pictures over hoping to find some sort of annotation that would give you context and all you find is the year 1964 stamped in tiny font along the edge.
and you flip them back over and time stands still as you realize that the recognition you feel is because she looks so much like you once did and next thing you know your hands are sweating and shaking and you have to sit on the floor because you’re crying so hard because it hits you all at once that you’re looking at your mother.
#hey Siri play In Color by Jamey Johnson for me please#music stuff#you should’ve seeeeen it in cooolllloor#Seven.txt#Seven’s Public Diary#normal Sunday night behavior#me? up all night hyperfocused on cleaning out my depression cave to achieve a sense of change and accomplishment -#- and ignoring every other aspect of my life including abandoning time sensitive tasks lest i get distracted and lose all motivation???#more likely than you think!#i’ve been at this since new years and i’m only like. halfway done. Gods help me#like i don’t mean ‘cleaning’ as in doing some light dusting. i mean there’s junk and trash piled 2/3rds of the way to the ceiling#when i call this room my depression/mental illness cave i Mean it#but no longer. i shall finally return this room to an acceptable state for the first time since. uh. 2022? i think?#i found a plastic container of dates buried under some laundry and the sticker says they’re from March of last year lmao#i forgot about those/thought i threw them away. but they were thankfully sealed so well that they hadn’t drawn any bugs#and oddly enough hadn’t even visibly molded/gone bad. but i didn’t open them up for a smell test i just chucked ‘em in my giant trash bag#i’m finding all kinds of shit i forgot i even had which is nice but it’s also distracting me like those pictures did#i’ll have to show them to her and ask her about them tomorrow#and ur probably like ‘u found old pics of a girl that looks like you why didn’t you immediately recognize ur own mom’#and 1. there’s countless pics of countless old relatives around this house that i barely/don’t recognize and never even met#and 2. i’ve barely ever seen any pics of my mom from such a young age so i have no images to reference in my mind#and it just fucked me up bc. i don’t look like her anymore. i only see Him in the mirror. but i Used to look like her. i’m turning into him#and i fucking hate it so much. i don’t like that she looks at me and sees him. great now i feel sick.#anyways thats enough reminiscing i need to get some water and food in me and get back to cleaning. i shan’t rest until i’m satisfied#well. my period + depression combo kinda Did make me rest which is why it’s taken 5 days but still. the horrors persist but so do i#it’s not just for the sense of accomplishment tho. i also need to move the 75gal tank out of the living room thanks to the floor situation#so i’m trying to make room in my room for it since it has the newest & strongest floor. i just need to find a level spot thats big enough#my back is gonna be so fucked after all this cleaning that i’ll have to rest for a fucking week before moving that heavy ass glass box#i hate moving big aquariums it makes me so anxious. and i literally don’t know if i’ll have anyone capable of helping me#so it might not even happen and it’ll just have to sit empty in the living room forever. but Maybe he can/will help me
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
I want Rick Grimes sweaty, bloody and dirty I will slurp that man up likes he’s the soup of the day
#rick grimes#the walking dead#delusional#just girly thoughts#mentally unstable#oldermen#this is so real#i need him#hes so babygirl#so bad#fictional characters#stable is for a horse#screaming crying throwing up#im thirsty#im losing my mind#mentally fucked#fictional men#andrew lincoln#twd daryl#i’m going insane#potentially unhinged#soup of the day
7 notes
·
View notes
Note
about to be sooo nosy so. my apologies. but. morgan frost? girlfriend? do share (or don’t! again this is so nosy i’m sorry)
for legal purposes i can neither confirm nor deny anything about morgan and his girlfriend but afaik i think he’s single right now? at one point (within the past four years 😭) he did for sure have a girlfriend and that is the extent of my wag knowledge
#anon PLEASE i am the nosiest person in the world i understand i want to know everything. ever. however#because i have no evidence and don’t want to spread unfounded rumors i will state for the jury i am not a gossip blog#& anything i say should be taken with a grain of salt. or a vsco deep dive & also maybe a dig into the flyers media archives. wrt UNfounded#but i will gossip in your dms because it’s a vital method of communication and important for community building.#also i’m like 95% sure i just osmosed the fact that morgan and his girlfriend broke up sometime earlier in the hockey season from someone#else (probably flyerskay) and accepted it at face value like absolutely i’d trust kay with my life. she would never lie to me and therefore#i can’t be lying to you. i can’t remember morgan’s gf’s name tho but i can like. vividly remember her artsy possessive vsco photos 😭 help#that man posts more about tom petty than he does anyone else in his life besides joel so really how would we know if hes posted her less#the answer is we wouldn’t and i want to say her name is katie SO bad but i know that’s tyson’s gf it’s like. victoria or stacie or somethin#& i want to see if SHE deleted all her vsco pictures of him bc that’s how we’d know they broke up. frosty stop following so many girls#i want to try and find her and see (she’s a model and she was public and had her vsco linked so all of this is public info btw.)#ANON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA OANDJRIWNDHOWHDB IT IS 1:38 AM AND I HAVE JUST MANAGED. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD ANON HOLD ON#BUCKLE YOURSELF THE FUCK IN FOR AN ANSWER YOU DID NOT ASK FOR BECAUSE THIS IS A R I D E AND I NEED TO YELL ABOUT IT I CAN’T MY GOD I CANNOT#B R E A T H E i’m about to start crying again but the backstory is that. i have had a fic that i have been working on for literal years.#my version history says March 15 2021 and it started in my notes app about 3000 words before that and it’s based off of a tweet i thought#calla had quoted and just said ‘Joel’ about but in my notes i never#saved the actual tweet and many times throughout the years i have gone back and advanced searched every version of joel and joelle and bee#and behavior on calla’s blog that i could possibly think of and just assumed like. it must’ve gotten deleted or the account suspended and i#could never remember the wording well enough to just google it but believe me i tried and put in every variation. never found it in 4 years#i try periodically. fast forward to about twenty minutes ago i am looking through kay’s twitter and searching vsco because i SWEAR she has#the picture of frosty’s gf’s fingernail marks in the back of frosty’s shoulders i am talking about / I can’t find her vsco linked anywhere#but i’m like ok. search up a couple other things and think about who might have it and on a WHIM look up vsco in ash notthequiettype’s acct#no results okay whatever i think about what else could maybe pull it up for me so I have SOMETHING for you. I search frosty. I scroll. GUES#WHAT I FUCKING FIND FROM NOVEMBER 13TH 2020 it is THE FANTASTIC TWEET THAT SPAWNED 16K OF NOTES & FIC & A SPREADSHEET OF JOEL’S CLASSES#AND I NEVER WOULD’VE FOUND IT AGAIN IF NOT FOR THIS!!! LOSING IT!!! by it I mean my mind and my sleep schedule!!! it’s 2AM now good night!!#liv in the replies#morgan frost#philadephia flyers
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
IM SORRY BDG VOICES A CHARACTER IN FIONNA AND CAKE?? WITH A MUSICAL NUMBER?? AND ITS AN ALTERNATE VERSION OF SIMON?? DUDE
#God I already want to get to fionna and cake so bad and now I find out Brian is in it??#I’m losing my mind a) I’m so proud of him that’s amazing and b) holy shit I need to see this episode now#(*stares at the nine seasons of adventure time I still have to go*) or like. soon.
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Turned on season seven of sunny after not watching it in a while holy fuck I need to fuck fat Mac so bad he awakens soemthing primal in me I need to 🗣️😵💫🗣️😵💫🗣️😵💫🗣️😵💫🗣️😵💫🗣️😵💫🗣️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
#⚠️nsfw⚠️#hospital gown big beard thighs thighs thighs I’m going to eat him I would peg him so hard you don’t get it I’m losing my mind#he could go to the gym and come home after I would lick him clean#he needs to sit on my face !!!!!#SORRY. okay. I need him so bad
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
THIS MAN TOOK 114 PULLS TO COME HOME BUT HES FINALLY HERE AFTER NOT PULLING HIM HIS FIRST RERUN & ON THE VERY LAST FUCKING DAY OF HIS BANNER
#i’m so mad that he made me spend every last dime on him when kokomi is rerunning in the next update#& whenever i have to pull for my man thoma in eula or klee’s banner idk yet i only want thoma#if i get a five star in that banner it better be tighnari or i’ll cry i want him so bad#i can’t believe it’ll be my third time trying to pull kokomi & i missed tighnari’s only banner just to not pull her 🥲#third times the charm..right?#i pulled this man while waiting in the doctors office & it was so hard not to lose my mind#& i’m so mad i can’t c1 my wanderer because of kokomi 🥲 xiao pls don’t rerun after kokomi pls pls pls pls i need to c1 you pls pls#kokomi seriously better come home she’s the whole reason i started playing genshin#now all i need is tighnari & kokomi for my 2nd team to be complete (thank u layla & kazuha 4 coming home)#twst is so nice to me compared to genshin seriously. even when i had to get 100 pity to pull my applepom epel that’s such a rare occurrence#genshin impact#kaedehara kazuha
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Okay so far my kaveh summoning plan is: bring faruzan for auntie/nanna vibes, bring tighnari for the coworker connections, bring collei because everyone loves collei, and under no circumstances should haitham be anywhere near me. Stand outside their house because none of us have keys. Thoughts?
#genshin kaveh#genshin impact#I’m losing my mind because I want ayaka so bad but I NEED kaveh or I will disintegrate and delete my hoyo account#and no haitham because bitch the girls are fighting!!#I need him to come home I need his c6 because I had a vivid dream where it was fucking insane#and made the one dead artifact I have for him actually perfect for him#hhhhh
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Such a sweet ending😌this whole story is so wonderful🩷🩷
Honey VIII
Read Honey here | ~6.3k words
From me: Last part! Glad you enjoyed! 💕
Warnings: angst, blood, hospital stuff, some fluff. I actually think it's terrible so I apologize if you're like 'this is the dumbest thing I've ever read.'
Summary: “Please, love. Cece needs you,” he whispered.
She shook her head at the thought. Cece didn’t need her. She was just the nanny.
“You’re not just the nanny.”
Harry was already suspicious when the alarm company called him and there was no subsequent text from Miss Honey. It was evident the power had gone out again. But he headed home to make sure things were okay. Only because he knew the service was so spotty when the power went out. Harry didn’t think anything of it because his mind was so overwhelmed with thoughts of the pretty girl that loved his daughter and tasted better than he ever could have imagined.
Despite their awkward breakfast, he was pretty sure her duties would come first. Even if he was planning on letting her go.
It took a lot of thought over the last few days, but he decided he couldn’t be in love with someone who worked for him. He couldn’t have sex with someone he was paying to live there. It felt wrong ten times over. She wouldn’t be his nanny anymore, but he was praying it wouldn’t mean she would be leaving his house any time soon, either.
Harry was so distracted by his thoughts of telling her right when he got in that he didn’t even notice the light at the end of the driveway was on.
When he pulled into the driveway he hurried out of the car and rushed through the house. “Hey love,” he called. “Everything okay? The power is probably still weird from the storm...” he was shedding his jacket, his work bag tossed to the side. He threw his lunch bag down too, clunking with the Tupperware he brought home from Niall and himself. “Listen, we gotta talk—”
All thoughts of said talk were gone when he approached the sitting room.
The shattered glass of one of his windows decorated the floor like the worst confetti he could possibly imagine. Her phone was on the counter displaying exactly zero of the tens of texts and calls Harry had sent her. And her smart watch was tossed haphazardly on the ground, leading toward the backdoor.
Perhaps of course, most notably and most terrifyingly, there was no sign of Cece.
Harry felt a thousand emotions course through him. He wanted to scream and claw his heart out to make it stop hurting. Doubt clouded his mind briefly and nearly brought him to his knees. His trust wavering again. Was it all a trick? No. Never. It couldn’t have been. That was... that wasn’t something that could be faked.
Dinner wasn’t awaiting him, and he hadn’t even come to expect it but now that it wasn’t there, he hated the way he felt. Aching and longing for something he didn’t want—didn’t think he could have. She was supposed to have Cece wrapped around her pretty body, kissing her hair, and telling her how to make whatever was on the menu for the evening. He was supposed to be falling for how pretty she looked with his baby, their baby. Because Cece and Harry didn’t stand a chance. They fell for her. Hard.
Something happening to his baby made him nauseous and weak. His hands were shaking as he reached for his phone but was met without service. One of the last untraumatized brain cells in his mind began to take over. A slow rational thought. What if doubt wasn’t needed? What if she was in danger as much as Cece? Harry felt his stomach churn violently again. A film of sweat coated every inch of his body at once.
Right as he sincerely thought he was going to throw up or pass out, there was a faint muffled sound.
The sound of crying.
If the house wasn’t silent, even if there was only the hum of the refrigerator, he might have missed it. But it was silent. Not a sound. Except a cry.
Harry sprinted up the steps. Taking two at a time and listening to the muffled noise. He hurried to his bedroom. He noted his journal was askew on his bed, open and spine bent; a pen tossed against the comforter as well. The crying was louder, coming from his closet.
He nearly ripped the door off the hinges and crouched down to the little one on the floor. “Oh, baby girl,” he cooed and the relief he felt was so crushing he still thought he might pass out. The relief was downright overwhelming. The whooshing in his ears was so loud. He was a little worried he might drop poor Cece in his dizziness. “S’okay, baby. Daddy’s here,” he kissed her wet cheeks. He was saddened by how tear-soaked they were. “M’here,” his voice cracked as he pressed his lips along her face. “M’sorry, sweet girl.”
It was so dark in his room, and he wanted to see her and make sure she was physically okay. He couldn’t hold Cece close enough. His heart felt the slightest bit better—marginally. “What happened, baby?” He frowned. Her little sobs started to subside.
He turned the flashlight on his phone and glanced around the dark closet. Harry noted Cece’s favorite little stuffy first. Purposefully placed right where he scooped her up from. Harry grabbed it, handing it to Cece now that she had calmed down a bit. Her little shoulders shaking made his heart hurt.
His eyes noted the piece of paper ripped from his journal next. Her handwriting wasn’t neat and pretty like he had seen in recipes or the notes she left writing Dada and Niall on lunches. This was scribbled quickly, messy. Hurried.
H—
I’m SO sorry, I saw something... I hid her.
His stomach rolled. New fear taking over but just as powerful as the one he felt about Cece. Maybe worse in some ways. Because at least he knew where Cece was and knew that she did everything she could to keep her safe.
“Cece,” he croaked. Harry wanted her to stay little forever. But right then, he wished she could speak. “Where’s Miss Honey?”
*
The police investigation was just like a movie. There were more people at his house than he could fathom. There were telephones with secured lines tracking and pinging possible leads. The power was back on, and the security company sent the footage they had directly to the police.
Often kidnappings that lasted over twenty-four hours didn’t bode well.
So, when hour forty-three approached Harry was feeling beyond helpless, beyond hopeless. Cece losing the most maternal figure in her life made him feel like death warmed over. He didn’t answer a single work call. He couldn’t. His only thoughts were of her and how fucked up it felt. Anne and Gemma came and took Cece. Niall was watching the company and spending as much time with Harry as humanly possible.
He raked his hands through his hair again trying to piece together the image of the two men in masks that he had been staring at for the last thirty hours wondering who would want to hurt him so badly.
They were good. Even if they were dumb enough to take safety away from Harry.
The human body could last about three days without water. He prayed that whoever took the sweet girl didn’t want her dead as it approached day two.
*
Her head was killing her. This was the worst hangover she ever felt. Her body felt weak. She tried to lick her lips, but her tongue felt just as dry. The floor was cold and the time asleep felt like nothing. The voices down the hall were back. They had been coming back and forth for the time she had been here. Deciding if killing her was faster than letting her just die naturally. Painfully.
Her blinks felt slow. The cramps in her stomach and legs didn’t even hurt anymore. She hoped Cece was okay and that Harry didn’t hate her for leaving her alone. Cece wasn’t alone for long—at least she hoped she wasn’t. Hopefully Harry found her shortly after she was yanked out of his home. Cece would have woken up alone in the dark and it made her stomach hurt worse than the hunger pains or dehydration setting in.
How long had it been? Time didn’t have meaning anymore, but she wasn’t stupid. Without water, she was fucked. She was merely collateral damage. Nothing more. Cece was safe. That was what she needed to remember and hold onto while her mind played tricks on her. They didn’t care about her—that much was obvious. She was cold, dehydrated, exhausted, and worried.
Harry was going to hate her. What if they went back for Cece? What if it wasn’t enough? If she had the physiology to produce tears and didn’t lack liquid, she would have cried.
“Hey love,” Harry whispered. She knew it was a figment of her imagination. Without water she was hallucinating. She didn’t answer him. It was too painful. “Y’need t’get out of here,” his voice had a pleading tone to it. But she was tired. She could barely move... let alone think. “Please, love. Cece needs you,” he whispered.
She shook her head at the thought. Cece didn’t need her. She was just the nanny.
“You’re not just the nanny.”
Hope infiltrated her heart. It was so unfair the hallucination would dangle that line of thinking in front of her. Even if it was her own subconscious trying to convince her. But she was. Harry had Cece. That’s what mattered more than anything else. Her family had hardly seen her in years. “C’mon, baby, please,” he begged.
She slowly sat up against the wall and it felt like she was going to fall right back over. Her eyelids fluttered, aching to close with how exhausted she felt. “Good girl,” he whispered. “Now y’gotta stand,” he reminded her. She swayed too much to feel like she had the strength to stand. But somehow, she did. Leaning back along the wall. Her hands were tied behind her. Her feet duct taped together. The voices from the other side of the house had disappeared again, a door closed. Faintly, she heard the crunch of gravel and tires exiting the driving away. She was alone again.
There was no furniture in the room, but she had been staring at the same four walls for who knew how long and there was nothing she could do to escape.
But there had to be something right?
The Harry she had conjured up was silent as he watched her. Even her brain was too tired, half alive, to make him talk. Moving painfully slow across the room wiggling awkwardly so she didn’t fall flat on her face with her feet duct taped together. She stared out the window. Freedom so close she could cry. It was her only hope, but she didn’t know what to do with it. She stared at the sill, the panes, through exhausted eyes. The strength it took to stand was hard. There was no way she could bust out the glass if she wanted to. “I know, baby, but y’gotta figure it out,” Harry begged.
She dropped onto the ground again, worried she would disappoint her hallucination. But only finally saw a glimmer of hope when she thought about passing out again. Her butt ached because she still hadn’t fully healed from the bruise she got from her fall in Harry’s office. She rolled onto her side and felt around for the metal heat vent cover protruding from the wall that she caught a glance of when she thought about falling onto the ground and just giving up.
She felt behind her, blindly and awkwardly, with her fingers for the lip of the cover closest to the floor. She pulled on it, hoping it was sharp. It was, given it sliced her finger making her hiss. She aimed lower on her arm. Getting the corner of the cover to line up with her wrists, she slowly sawed through. It cut her arm several times and now she worried on top of dehydration she was going to lose some blood too. Hopefully the cuts weren’t too deep, but her body was nearing numbness from how tired she was and she had no way of knowing how hard she injured herself from behind. She hoped this wasn’t part of her hallucination because it would be entirely unfair to make it out in her head only to continue to be trapped.
Once her arms were free, her shoulders felt achy, and she cried out at the relief of stretching them forward. Because of the blood, it was hard to get the duct tape to peel at her ankles. It took even longer for it to rip off. She stood again, bracing herself on the windowsill. She lifted her sore arm to unlock the window in the middle of the panes. She pushed on the window, but it stuck. She whimpered. “You can do it,” he whispered. “C’mon, kitten, you’re almost there. I’ll come find you, I promise.” Her hallucination was so nice she thought about just laying back down and letting him lull her to sleep. “No, no,” he shook his head. “You’re almost out, baby. I promise.”
She groaned and pushed the window out of the way enough to wiggle her body through. She fell to ground outside with a thud and she again, strongly considered just lying there on the cold dirt because it felt better than trying to stand. “One more time, kitten. M’not too far.”
How could her hallucination possibly know he wasn’t too far? That was a horrible thing to allow herself to hope. But she stood, half blind from her exhaustion. Then followed the tire tracks out of the driveway and down the dirt road. She was sure she looked drunk. Or maybe more like a zombie. But she just wanted to find someone. She was aching everywhere and felt weaker than when she was laying down. Her heartbeat was too fast, the blood she had in her system sounded like a hurricane in her ears.
She could have walked only fifty steps down that road, or she could have walked a mile. She wasn’t sure. Time was different now. Like it was moving backwards, forwards, and standing still all at once.
There was the sound of tires and she was so tired, her eyes barely opened. So scared and exhausted. Even her hallucination had abandoned her. It was over. She was done for, so it didn’t matter how tired she was. How hopeful she was. She dropped to one knee and then the other. Her body crumpling under her own weight. Right before her head smacked into the hard ground something caught her.
“Holy shit,” it felt weird that she would suddenly hallucinate Niall’s voice as well. That didn’t seem fair to Harry.
“Oh my God,” Harry whispered. His hallucination was so close to her face. She could smell his breath, minty. She sighed with relief, melting into his imaginary body. He was warm, solid, and she was glad he was there even if it was just her imagination allowing her one last moment with Harry regardless of if he was real or not.
Then she was floating, and she was sure she had died.
*
Harry stepped into her hospital room after they completed their tests. He had been waiting impatiently for the okay to see her once she woke up. It had been hours of pacing. The drive from the place he found her nearly crumpling, half-conscious was terrifying beyond anything he could have imagined. He cradled her in his arms in the backseat practically sobbing as it felt like Niall was purposefully driving slower to the hospital. Harry was so scared; he used a napkin to dab water on her lips as she slipped in and out of a wakeful state. “We’re almost there, sweetheart, please hang on,” he begged and pushed her hair away from her eyes. Harry got blood on his clothes that dripped from her fingers and wrists. Harry wanted to scream.
But now, she looked better, and he didn’t want to think about that drive again as long as he lived. She was severely dehydrated. Her lips were dry and cracked. Her skin was paler than normal but was slowly returning to her natural color. He was so grateful she was alive and there.
In every sense of the word, she was so beautiful it practically hurt him to look at her.
The second their gaze connected she began sobbing.
“I’m. So. Sorry.” She sniveled. “Is she okay?! Please tell me that she’s okay. No one has told me. I swear I’m going to be sick,” she moaned. “Please, please, please—”
Harry grabbed her hand quickly and squeezed it. “She’s perfect, love,” he whispered softly, reassuringly. Carefully, he cupped her face, wiping his thumb on her cheek soothingly. “Not a hair out of place.”
Her relief just caused more tears to fall. “You’re sure? You took her to a doctor? I left her alone, Harry. After you told me that...” her voice choked off, shaking her head, and looking at her hands. “She didn’t get a UTI? She wasn’t dehydrated from being stuck in—?“
“Miss Honey,” Harry murmured unable to keep the adoration out of his voice as he said the nickname of the sweet girl. “She’s fine. We’re going t’worry ‘bout you for a bit,” he squeezed her hand encouragingly. “You had me scared, love. More than that. I thought I lost you. That was terrifying.”
She sniffled, her shoulders shaking while she tried to wipe her eyes, but the tears were too quick. “Can I see her?”
“She’s with m’mum,” he assured her. “I just want t’make sure that y’were—”
“Please?” She begged.
“Love, she’s—”
“Please, please, Harry. Please,” she sobbed. “We can go right—” She started to pick at the tape over the IV and wires in her arm and hand.
“Hey,” Harry quickly grabbed her antsy hands. He looked her in the eyes and cupped the side of her face. “Love,” he whispered trying to calm her.
“Please,” she sniveled.
God. She would burn the whole city down. Harry was putty to her begging. He pulled his phone out and FaceTimed his mother. “Hey Mum, can we see Miss Cecelia?” He asked in greeting. At the same time, he squeezed her hand encouragingly.
“Look Cece, it’s Dada,” Anne kissed the top of her head. Harry felt relief himself, knowing she was okay and continued to be safe in Anne’s arms. There was a police detail outside his mother’s house, and one would remain at his own as well for the time being.
“Hi Ce,” he cooed. “Do y’wanna see Miss Honey?” He asked.
She wiped her eyes with the hand still attached to wires. Harry handed her the phone. It seemed her wiping was for nothing as she started to sob once more. “Hi sweet girl,” she tried to smile, but her lips quivered with more tears and anguish. “I’m so glad you’re okay, pretty baby,” she looked like she wanted to reach out and pull her through the phone and into her arms.
“Mama!”
Time seemed to freeze again. For a moment, she was certain she really was dead. Because this was heaven. Someone loved her so unconditionally. It wasn’t fair she was only shown on a phone and miles and miles away.
Time came rushing back as she choked on another sob and pushed the phone back to Harry unable to say another word. Harry felt his heart bouncing erratically in his chest as he looked on in complete awe of her. When he finally pulled his gaze from her teary face, he saw Anne had a knowing smile as she waved at Harry, ending the call.
“Please don’t fire me,” she begged. “Please, please, please. I won’t... I’ll sleep in the basement or outside, I don’t care. I just love her so much and she’s... she’s so perfect Harry and I want to make sure she’s okay all the time and if you fire me I won’t—” Harry couldn’t believe how lovely she was.
“Kitten, I have to fire you,” his voice was soft, and he cupped her face and swiped at the tears that fell faster than he could wipe.
“Harry,” she whimpered.
“I can’t be in love with someone I employ.”
Her tears slowed for the first time in what seemed like hours. She wiped once more, and she swallowed. “What?”
“I’m so in love with you, kitten,” he kissed her forehead. “M’getting you and Cece a security detail and I want you t’move your stuff into m’room. I want you t’do whatever y’want and—”
“Harry, I like working,” she smiled weakly but that sneaky hope flooded her.
“Then y’can open a day care at the office. A school. I don’t care. Y’can have every penny I earn t’do with whatever y’want. I jus’ want you t’be at home with me and Cece every day. I want you so badly, love. I thought I couldn’t have it all. But I want it all. So m’going to. M’going t’love you with everything I have,” he assured her. She shook her head, a fresh wave a tears flowed down her face. She still seemed scared and immensely dehydrated.
That was a lot to spring on someone but if she was serious, if she would willingly sleep in the yard to be close to Cece, then he thought she could handle what he had to say. His little one called her Mama. He would forever be grateful for the woman that birthed her. Chloe’s framed picture would be at every milestone. The sweet girl had already been taking Cece’s monthly pictures for her first year of life alongside her birth mother’s photo. Chloe wasn’t going to be forgotten, and Cece was a lucky girl to have a second mother who adored her as much as the woman she lost.
But in all that, Harry could see her worry and caution in her eyes. “I love you beyond what you provide for Cecelia,” he whispered as if he could read her mind. “You are the love I didn’t know I needed—didn’t think I deserved. You are everything I could have wanted and more.” When she didn’t respond immediately, he didn’t blame her. He cupped her cheek. “Y’don’t have t’say anything right now. Jus’ get better, yeah? There’s a little girl who needs her Mama,” he smirked.
“Babies,” she hiccuped unable to catch her breath. “Almost always say Dada first,” her smile was apologetic. Harry was going to give her everything she had ever dreamed of, but she did take the first word away from him. Which was a little unfair even in her worried mind.
“Yeah,” he smiled. “Well, our baby is going t’be an overachiever.”
“Kiss me,” she whispered.
“You need rest, kitten,” he breathed but he wanted her lips on his more than anything.
“If you don’t kiss me, I’ll cry again.”
He chuckled, shaking his head at her and nosed along her jawline, following it with kisses. “Is that your way of bargaining?”
“Is it working?” She seemed a little breathless. Like when he had her in her bed and made her cry out with his name on her lips. He brushed his mouth across hers. Soft, gentle. It was almost painful. It felt so good and so perfect. Everything he never believed he could have.
“For the record, Harry Styles,” she sighed when Harry rested his forehead against hers. He smiled at her lazily. Like he already knew what she was going to say. Maybe he did. She hoped he did because it seemed pretty obvious to her. “I love you, too.”
*
Harry tended to all the logistics over the next hour. Phone calls, rides, police, and more than she could possibly think of. Niall sat beside her because Harry refused to leave her alone while she was on the mend. He was happy to be there and even happier to hang out with with one of his newest and closest friends.
The wicked grin on his face told her they were jumping into all the details she failed to tell him for the last week. “Were you going to mention you slept with him?”
She blushed. “He told you?”
“Don’t worry, he didn’t say anything specific,” he winked. “I took several imaginative liberties.”
“You,” she shook her head with a smirk, “have a death wish.”
“Did you really push him away after?” He asked.
She swallowed and looked at her hands, her gaze fixated on her fingertip wrapped tight from the wound she got trying to escape. “Niall, he doesn’t need me.”
“But he wants you.”
“I just thought... he already has everything. He has a beautiful baby, a great career, a home, and—”
“He has a home because of you. He doesn’t have someone to share it with.”
“Well, he has you,” she mumbled.
“You’re much prettier than me,” he chuckled rubbing her free hand and kissing the back of it softly. “You scared the life out of him.”
“He’s been through so much, Ni. I know he said he didn’t love Chloe romantically, but he must have, right? Because of Cece?”
“It was a drunk night. He got to know her over nine months, but she wasn’t a settle down with one guy kind of woman. At least not at the time. If there had been more time, who knows what would have happened. But there wasn’t. They made a cute kid, and I know no one regrets their relationship. But it was one and done, darling. Chloe never owned his heart the way you do.”
Her heart skipped a beat. She wanted that. Wanted all his heart. “What if he just loves the idea of me? Or the things I do?”
“He doesn’t.”
“How do you know?”
“Because he screamed at me to drive faster. Sobbed over you while he rubbed water on your lips. He thought he was going to lose you, and he was terrified. If he only loved you because of the things you did, he wouldn’t have been awake for the last two days straight trying to find you. He sent Cece elsewhere. He would have let the police handle a missing nanny case,” he reminded her. “But not the woman that stole his heart.”
She swallowed around the tears that clogged the emotion in her throat. “Have you seen his abs?” She whispered.
Niall snorted. “Gross.”
“I want to lick every single one. And his tattoos.”
“Oh, for the love of god.”
She smiled weakly. Her heart felt pulled in a hundred different directions. Unsure of what needed to be handled first. “Do you know if my family knows?”
“They’re on their way,” Harry said from the doorway.
Her jaw dropped. “What?!”
“They jus’ got to the airport. S’a long flight. But they’ll be here.”
“My brothers, too?” She croaked.
“Is now a good time to tell you that you owe me three more months worth of lunches for not telling me about the sex? And another two for the ab comment?”
She laughed but Harry smiled, rolling his eyes while he watched her. “What ab comment?”
*
“I can walk,” she reminded him. But Harry held her, cradled against him and shook his head.
“You’ll be lucky if I let y’walk in a week.”
“Oh, you’re going to be annoying, aren’t you?” He shrugged and entered the house through the garage.
“Hey love birds,” Niall called. The kitchen smelled delicious. “Not sure if it’ll taste nearly as good as your food, darling.”
Harry ignored his friend and brought her right to the couch. He placed her carefully in the corner of the cushions the way she liked and wrapped her new winter blanket around her. He went to her favorite store the week before and bought one for February. It was so faintly pink it looked almost white. It was decorated with hearts of different shades of reds and pinks along with the word love patterned into the soft material. He hoped she would like it. Because as silly as it was, he wanted to wrap her up with it and ergo wrap her up with love. That was the only thought he had when he saw it. “Here,” he hummed and kissed her forehead as he brought a straw to her lips.
She sucked on the water that even though the doctors had kept her for a few days to ensure she was better, it felt like heaven to have the cold liquid. Harry stroked her cheek like she was going to disappear. “You don’t have to watch me the whole time.”
“You owe me at least a month worth of lunches, darling. The way he screamed at me? Or how he complained about driving you to the hospital? He’s not leaving your side.”
She rolled her eyes and looked at Harry pointedly. “She’s not making you a single lunch,” Harry grumbled.
“I always make him lunch,” she reminded him. “Add it to your tab, Ni,” she called.
“Not anymore.”
“How did you know where I was?” She asked, still sipping. Niall was eerily quiet, which was a bad sign. Maybe. “Did you two do something illegal?”
Harry shook his head. “Of course not.”
Niall snorted.
She gaped. “Harry Styles.”
“I jus’ looked up the property sales for the men that they identified which is perfectly legal. Niall and I may have gone t’each one while they dealt with finding them because the police assured me, they wouldn’t leave y’alone. So, while they tracked movement and cars and false plates, we tracked locations. Because they assured me that’s not how kidnappers work.”
“You guys interfered with a police investigation? What if they showed up at one of the locations and you were unarmed and alone?” She asked, alarm present in her voice. Nervous for something that didn't even happen.
“We would have called the police at that point,” Niall answered.
“Probably,” Harry muttered. “They didn’t behave like normal kidnappers.”
“Well, I wasn’t their first target,” she shrugged casually. Throwing off all the intentional plans probably through everyone for a loop. Her kidnappers and the police.
Harry looked conflicted briefly and then he winced as if whatever thought he had was too difficult to speak. But she already knew what it was because it was the very reason Harry was tending to her right now: holding her face while she drank precious, delicious, ice water.
“Ni,” she called keeping her eyes on Harry. “Can you grab my bag out of the car?”
“Course,” he headed off the kitchen toward the garage.
“You don’t have to feel guilty,” she whispered. “That it was me and not her and you’re grateful for that. I’m so glad it was me,” she tilted his face up because he refused to look at her. “It doesn’t mean you love me any less,” she smiled softly. “I would also think you’re a monster if you didn’t feel that way.”
He shook his head unable to voice how incredible it was for her to know his thoughts. “I would never want t’make that decision,” he murmured. “If they took her...” He shook his head, and an involuntary shiver went through him. She moved her hand to the side of his cheek.
“It’s her. Every time,” she promised. “If it was you or her,” she rubbed her thumb on his lip. “You’re a lot stronger than her,” she reminded him. “Plus, I would have burned the whole city down to find you.”
Harry smiled and kissed her softly before her next sip of water.
“Are you done being gross?” Niall asked.
“Haven’t started,” she called back.
“Disgusting.”
Harry rested his forehead on hers. Right then the front door opened. She stiffened; worry painting her face. Harry squeezed her reassuringly. Gemma was holding the sweet little baby as she entered the room, and she gasped. Tears flooded her eyes so quickly Harry was just glad to see her sweet face melt with adoration for their little love. “Oh,” she sobbed. “Cece,” she whimpered.
Gemma smiled, dropped the diaper bag and quickly made her way over not hesitating a moment or prolonging her suffering any longer. “Let’s go see Mama, girly,” she cooed, passing the baby to her outstretched arms. She kissed her hair and clutched her to her as she cried. Cece didn’t really understand what was happening, but she loved her snuggles and nuzzled against her shirt. Harry cupped the back of her hand on Cece’s head and kissed the crown of Cece’s head before he kissed her temple. He stroked her cheek again of the tears.
“Thanks, Gem,” Harry smirked at his sister.
“Niall,” Gemma gave his shoulder a squeeze and then she leaned over and pressed her lips to the woman’s cheek that would forever be called Mama. “What are we making?”
“Your family, Mum, Eliza, everyone is going t’come over,” he told her softly while she breathed in Cece’s scent. “S’why Niall is cooking.”
She nodded unable to feel the weight of his words because she was overwhelmed with holding the little one. “Okay,” she whispered. “Thank you.”
Harry shook his head and gazed at the two girls right in front of him. “M’never going t’forget t’say it, kitten. I swear. M’going t’say it every single day,” he promised. “But, y’never have t’thank me. I owe you m’entire existence,” he whispered. “Thank you,” his lips brushed over hers and then down to Cece’s forehead.
“You don’t have to thank me,” her voice was soft. “You... you gave me everything I’ve ever wanted.”
He smiled, his heart so full it felt overwhelming. “You deserve it, kitten.”
*
The terror that ripped through Harry’s throat at the sight of his bed half empty had him springing up and slamming his door against the wall. The police posted outside their house couldn’t have been that bad, could they? They couldn’t be. They would have called or come in if they had to.
Harry pulled the door out of the way to her old room. What he said in the hospital? He was dead serious. She wasn’t living down the hall from him anymore. She could turn her old room into a library or an office, he didn’t care. Harry left the hospital only once while she was there. To ensure the house was safe for her return. During that time, he moved all her clothes, her bathroom stuff, her books, all of her was going in his room where he could be close to her.
Or so he thought.
However, she wasn’t in her old room. Harry frowned, the worry creeping up his stomach and into his chest. Then, an overwhelming sense of relief went through him when he realized his mistake. He went to the next door and the nightlight painted the room and everything in it with the gentle glow. There, on the floor was the sweet girl, facing the crib, breathing at regular intervals.
“Kitten,” he cooed kneeling down behind her and gently shaking her.
She bounced and her eyes flickered to the crib. “What’s wrong, is she okay?”
“She’s fine, m’love,” his heart skipped a beat with how much he loved her. “Y’can’t be sleeping on the floor after the day you’ve had, sweetheart, c’mon.”
There was a brief pause while Harry stared at her. Cece’s little breaths were the only background noise they had. Soft and sweet, perfectly healthy. “I can’t leave her,” she whispered.
Harry’s heart felt like it was going to explode. Of course. That was stupid of him. “Okay, okay,” he kissed the side of her face. He stood, scooped Cece out of the crib kissing her forehead as he did. She got to her knees watching anxiously as Harry held her like she was going to disappear. “C’mon,” he hummed, holding his hand out for the sleepy girl. She stood, then paused, blinking rapidly. “Are y’okay?” He asked, putting an arm around her waist immediately and shifting Cece to his other arm.
She nodded. “A little dizzy.”
Harry squeezed around her hips. He guided them back to their bedroom. “Here we go,” he placed Cece on the bed in the middle then slowly sat down the newest love of his life on the edge of the bed. “Are y’okay, kitten?” He repeated.
She nodded. “Just dizzy.”
“Do y’need medical attention?”
She shook her head. “Just got up too fast, I think.”
He kissed her forehead and sighed. “Wish y’woke me up. Scared me,” he tugged her toward the pillows beside Cece. Harry curled himself around her, her bum pressed close to his pelvic bone, their thighs and knees spooned together. She shifted a bunch, moving pillows and blankets to keep Cece in place while she slept soundly.
Harry draped an arm around her body and tugged her toward him even though there was no more room to move her back into his embrace. “I love you,” he murmured.
She brought his hand to her mouth, and she kissed his knuckles. “I love you.”
“Cece okay?” He wondered, hoping her answer would reassure her own worry.
“Yes,” she nodded. Harry kissed the back of her head and felt himself warm with her body so close. He could see the rise and fall of Cece breathing on the bed in the light from the moon streaming through the window.
“You’re okay?” He asked his voice quiet and soft.
She nodded. “I’m perfect,” she whispered.
He smiled. Sleepy, happy, and completely thrilled that he could have everything he ever dreamed of having right in his bed. “God, sweetheart. I couldn’t agree more.”
--
general taglist:@justlemmeadoreyou @daydreamingofmatilda @sunshinemoonsposts @loving-hazz @likeapplejuicenpeach
@straightontilmornin @freedomfireflies @littlenatilda @kathb59 @babegoals
@angel-upon @lilfreakjez @mleestiles @ameliaalvarez06 @canyonmoondreams
@summertime-pills @daphnesutton @l4rrysh0use @perfectywrong @foreverxholland
@lovrave @st-ev-ie @pandeebearstyles @toosarcastic03 @luvonstyles
@tenaciousperfectionunknown @classychalamet @love-letters-to-uranus @emmaawbr @crossyourpeter
@kissitnhekitchen @kittenhere @stylesfever @indierockgirrl @michellekstyles
@just-another-reader1098 @hermionelove @tiredinwinter @whimsy-willows @hannah9921
@fangirl7060 @triski73 @vikiii07 @prettygurl-2009 @madstyles3204
@angeldavis777 @tchlamqtsgf @lizsogolden @me-undiscovered @you-sunshine
@rose-girls-world @claimingharrystigertattoo @inlikea-coolway
Honey: @jerseygirlinca @one-sweet-gubler
I'm sorry if I missed anyone in the taglist. Please let me know if you'd like to join, if it didn't work, if you no longer want to be included, etc. :)
If you like this, check out my masterlist here
#the worst confetti ! your mindddddd#ugh I could feel the pit in his stomach walking into the house#THEIR BABY#her feeling so worried about cece :((#omg the hallucination#him helping her giving her the strength#omg I’m teary eyed over her reaction once she wakes up#MAMA !!!!!!!!!!#oh I’m crying#this was heaven oh I’m crying#i can’t be in love with someone I employ oh there’s tear stains on my shirt#taking her photo with Chloe’s photo o m g#there’s a little girl who needs her mama oh I’m losing my mind#on top of it all her still feeling bad she didn’t say dada first this girl NEEDS the all expense paid vacation PLS#our baby is going to be an overachiever waaahhh#Niall is always ready to gossip#kidnapping or not#but he wants you🤌🤌#she is Harry’s house#Niall keeping it reaaaallllll#AND SO IS Y/N AKSJDJDJSHHDH#him buying her one of the blanketsssssss <3333#haven’t started 💅🏼💅🏼period slay#of course she can’t leave her get with the program Harold#the cutest little family#Sam this was phenomenal#You are phenomenal#harry styles fic rec#fic rec#love love love
377 notes
·
View notes